savetheworld exe
by unwinding fantasy
Summary: Ever wondered what a 24 computer program looks like? [Complete]


**Title: **SAVETHEWORLD.exe

**Author: **Aqua Phoenix1

**Disclaimer: **_24 _and any places or people affiliated with it are not property of the author i.e. me.

**Rating: **PG (rated for mild swearing)

**A/N: **Let's deal with the obvious first, shall we? I do not know C or any other computer language for that matter, so I apologise in advance for any inconsistencies/faults in this story. Next, because I've had to condense this so much, many events that take place in _24_ season three will not be depicted here for the sheer fact that if I did, this would become boring and tedious. However, if there is a particular joke you would like to see, please feel free to drop a review or email me and I'll do my best to incorporate it (full credit will be given to you, of course). The main idea for this fic came from a fellow author from the _Les Miserables _section of FFNet, AmZ.

Another thing: a dash (-) denotes an underscore. As you no doubt are already know, QuickEdit doesn't like these "special characters."

**Warning: **Big spoilers for S3. What did you expect? It is a summary, after all.

* * *

SAVETHEWORLD.exe  
  
#include recklessness.h 

#include silvertongue.h

#include tenacity.h

#include vigilance.h

#define look (x) intimidating-glare (x)

#define voice (x) SandpaperPlus version 2.1 (x)

#define terroristthreat MUST-BE-ELIMINATED

#define available Compromise (0)

void main ()

{  
  
say(voiceover): / "The following takes place between 1:00pm and 2:00pm. Events occur in real time." /

{  
  
enter(holding-facility);

scan(hand);

cringe(photo);

sneeze;

{  
  
#define desired-sneeze-sound ACHOO

}  
  
}

ignore(TATERHEAD);  
  
if (RAMON-stabs-lawyer)  
  
think(gotta-get-me-one-of-those-pens);  
answer(phone-call-from-SOULPATCH);

connect(Salazars-with-virus);  
  
break;

}  
  
switch (ctu)

{  
  
run(into-office);

refuse(to-come-out);

listen(SUNNY's-statistics-on-virus);

think(it's-gonna-be-another-one-of-THOSE-days-isn't-it?);  
  
set-self (mode, heroic);

break;  
{

case LEMONSUCKER-IS-BEING-WELL-HERSELF:  
  
bite(off, LEMONSUCKER's-head);  
  
when(TATERHEAD-asks-you-to-apologise);  
  
apologise(LEMONSUCKER);  
  
while(keeping-fingers-crossed-behind-back);  
  
break;

}  
  
case DAMN-COMPUTER-WON'T-DO-WHAT-IT'S-TOLD-DAMN:  
  
become(frustrated);  
  
ask("What is wrong with this system?");  
  
when(TATERHEAD-fixes-it-what-an-amatuer-mistake);  
  
think(there-goes-my-dignity);  
  
break;  
  
}  
  
switch (office)

{

ignore(TATERHEAD);

pretend(there-is-no-problem);

brush(off, TATERHEAD);

when(probability-of-discovery=0.003%)

prepare(needle);

if(SPAWN-interrupts);

develop(overwhelming-sense-of-guilt);

throw(away, syringe-violently);

while (24fans-cheer);

break;

}  
  
switch (Mexico)

{

case RAMON-ASKS-YOU-TO-KILL-TATERHEAD:  
  
pull(trigger);

if (no-bang);  
  
become(disappointed);  
  
think(why-can't-things-go-right-for-a-change);  
  
break;

}  
  
case CONVINCE-ME:  
  
kiss(bitch);  
  
choke(bile);  
  
beg(mentally) / "Enough with the torture! Just kill me already!" /  
  
#define BITCH WILL-GET-WHAT'S-COMING-TO-HER  
  
if (RAMON-is-threatening-to-shoot-you);

activate (Silver-Tongue); / SilverTonguePlus version 3.0 /

worm(way-out-miraculously);

think(meow);

break;

}

switch (aeroplane)

{

if (BITCH-makes-you-screw-up-ctu's-computer-system)

restrain(from-throwing-her-out);

think(why-do-I-continually-get-played-like-this?);

break;

}

switch (ctu)

{

case YOU-DON'T-HAVE-ANY-MORE-USEFUL-INFORMATION-DO-YOU:

shoot(BITCH);

gloat;

gloat;

gloat;

break;

{

case WEASELMAN'S-CAR-BLOWS-UP:  
  
cheer(fireworks);  
  
order(self, go-grab-some-popcorn);  
  
break;

}  
  
switch (ctu)

{

order(MICHELLE, question-ALVERS-about-his-boss);

order(LEMONSUCKER, crossmatch-description-against-everyone-in-my-service- file);

run(search);  
  
10000001 match/es found  
  
sigh(hopelessly);

think;

think;

develop(brilliant-idea);

order(LEMONSUCKER, broaden-search);  
  
#include presumed-dead  
  
run(search);  
  
302 match/es found  
  
order(ALVERS, identify-your-boss);

view(result-sent-to-your-screen);

* * *

**SAUNDERS, **Stephen H.

MI-6 agent

**DOB: **5/3/1969

**Nationality: **British

**Height (approx.): **6"4'

**Eye Color: **Brown

**Hair Color: **Black

* * *

re-read (height)  
  
CONTEMPTUOUS mode ON 

}  
  
switch (chopper)

{

when (probability-of-successful-capture=99.99993%)

{

answer(mobile);

instruct(TIGHTASS, leave-chopper);

wait;

wait;

wait;

drag(TIGHTASS-from-chopper);  
  
case TIGHTASS'-LEGS-ARE-SHAKING:  
  
roll(eyes);  
  
say("I've got you.");  
  
suppress(urge-to-shoot-up);  
  
break;

}  
  
if (forced-to-shoot-TIGHTASS);  
  
set-self (mode, remorseful);  
  
say("Sorry we failed you.");  
  
steel(nerves);  
  
say("God forgive me.");  
  
pull(trigger);  
  
while(24fans-cry-their-hearts-out);  
  
break;  
  
}

}  
  
case SOULPATCH-HAS-BUSTED-JANE-OUT-I'M-GONNA-KILL-HIM:  
  
pursue(SOULPATCH);  
  
confront(SOULPATCH);

if (SOULPATCHpays-you-out);  
  
poke(SOULPATCH);  
  
cry(inwardly);  
  
cry;  
  
cry;  
  
calm(down);  
  
formulate(plan);  
  
break;

}  
  
switch (meeting-place)

{

case NO-VISUAL-ON-SAUNDERS:  
  
wait;  
  
wait;  
  
wait;  
  
wait;  
  
remaining sanity: 20% approx.  
  
case SAUNDERS'-PRESENCE-CONFIRMED:  
  
order(all units, move-in);

if (SAUNDERS-slips-away-again)  
  
set-self (mode, predatory);  
  
pursue(POMMY);  
  
fire(volley);  
  
dodge(bullets);

if (chopper-appears-and-starts-firing)  
  
call(aerial-support);  
  
take(cover);  
  
pray(God);  
  
break;

{  
  
case POMMY-IS-APPREHENDED-ABOUT-TIME:  
  
cuff(asshole);  
  
secure(premotion);  
  
suppress(urge-to-laugh-at-receding-hairline);  
  
imply(Ramon-was-prettier-than-this-man);  
  
say("It's over, Stephen.");

}

if (SAUNDERS-replies); / "No Jack, it's only the beginning." /  
  
kick(SAUNDERS, repeatedly)  
  
break;

}  
  
case SAUNDERS-REFUSES-TO-RELENT-SOMEONE-RESTRAIN-ME:  
  
ask(Jane-go-speak-with-your-father);  
  
observe(ensuing-conversation);  
  
shudder(SAUNDERS'-scary-smile);  
  
think(I-really-should-patch-things-up-with-Kim);  
  
break;

}  
  
switch (Chandler-Plaza-Hotel)

{

order(TATERHEAD, take-Jane-in);

observe(wild-ravings);

when(SAUNDERS'-voice-breaks);

think(now-that's-one-noise-you'll-never-get-out-of-me);

say("I'm gonna make you watch her die.");

avoid(punches);

suppress(laughter);  
  
while (24fans-wonder-why-you-show-no-empathy)  
  
break;

}

}  
  
case THERE'S-ONE-VIAL-MISSING:  
  
groan(inwardly);  
  
smile(outwardly);  
  
decide(I'll-get-this-guy);  
  
drive(train-station);  
  
break;

}  
  
case TATERHEAD-HANDS-YOU-COFFEE:  
  
set-self (mode, suspicious);  
  
observe(coffee);  
  
smell(coffee);  
  
observe(coffee);  
  
taste(coffee, with-tip-of-tongue);

if (coffee=boilinghot);  
  
run(circles-hysterically);  
  
scream("That's it, Chase! No more dating Kim!");  
  
while(colleagues-laugh-in-your-face);  
  
remaining sanity: 8% approx.  
  
break;

}  
  
switch (school)

{  
  
split(up-from-rest-of-team);  
  
search(bomb);  
  
scare(kids);  
  
call(TATERHEAD);

if (no-response);  
  
develop(awful-premonition);  
  
search(TATERHEAD);  
  
break;

}  
  
case TATERHEAD-LOCKED-THE-BOMB-ON-HIS-ARM-WHAT-AN-IDIOT:  
  
cut(wire);

if (nothing-happens);  
  
find(next-wire);  
  
case THERE-IS-NO-NEXT-WIRE:  
  
panic;  
  
panic;  
  
panic;  
  
if (TATERHEAD-tells-you-to-leave);  
  
refuse(heroically);  
  
when(TATERHEAD-implies-chop-it-off);  
  
refuse(heroically);  
  
when(TATERHEAD-demands-chop-it-off);  
  
think(thank-God-now-I-have-a-good-excuse);  
  
do(the-deed);  
  
grab(bomb);  
  
chuck(bomb-in-refrigerator);  
  
pray(that-thing's-airtight);  
  
break;  
  
}

}  
  
case DAY-HAS-COME-TO-A-CLOSE:  
  
sit(car);  
  
cry(like-baby);  
  
wipe(eyes);  
  
cry(some-more);  
  
while(24fans-go-awww);  
  
answer(radio);  
  
return(work, reluctantly);  
  
}

else  
  
keepsavingtheworldloop():

keepsavingtheworldloop():

keepsavingtheworldloop():  
  
}

return (0);

}


End file.
